But He does and has a purpose for every "dot", every season we go through. There have been many things in my life, like you I'm sure when you just want to ask, "Where are you going with this, Lord? Or why is this happening now?" I wanted to share some things during my stay in the hospital.
Of course, some questions that I wish I had the answers too are~
- Why did I catch the swine flu?
- Why must many of my trails be physical ones?
- Why did I have to go over a month without seeing my little one?
- But, the biggest question that continues to come to mind is, why did you let me live when so many others have passed away from this horrible flu?
To tell you the truth I don't know the answer to all of these questions, however these past few months have been one of the hardest things I've had to endure yet I experienced the Lord in a way I never have before.
My mother in-law (Mitzi) and my sister were taking care of me while Jason went back to TX for just a couple of days to get Faith and bring her to AL. During this time I struggled to keep fighting, I wrote on a paper (I was still on the ventilator and could not talk) to Mitzi to call Jason and tell him I couldn't keep going on. I had nothing left, my cup was empty and I felt like giving in to the enemies lies that I just couldn't make it anymore. I might have been ready to give in but the Lord was not done and He brought me an "angel" to encourage, strengthen and remind me how much hope I had in the midst of such a difficult time. My respiratory therapist, Monica became my "angel" in some of my darkest hours. I remember asking her after she had anointed me with oil and prayed and sang over me,"Monica, are you an angel" she laughed and smiled and just said, "I just share the message of hope and healing to anyone the Lord puts in my path, that is my gift, ministry". Well, Monica you were my angel and I thank you for sharing your faith and love with me.
I paged Monica several times when I just felt I needed a "sister" in Christ to help intercede for me as I struggled with draws from the high pain meds. She was always ready to pray and ask Jesus to bind up Satan's lies and that I would cling to only Him and that I am set FREE.
"By His wounds I am healed" Isaiah 53:5
After Monica left, I came into a time of worship that I had never really experienced before. As tears ran down my face, I sang and spoke aloud the word of God. I spent that time asking for forgiveness, strength, joy, hope and thanking Him for His grace and that even though I was so weak physically and emotionally He was holding me with much love and compassion. From that moment of giving whatever left I had to the Lord and not holding back, a peace fell over me. The enemy was still trying to whisper those lies to me but NOW I was holding onto the word of God and putting on the armor of God. Satan had no power and the Lord brought "light" and victory in that hospital room that day. There is power in SPEAKING ALOUD the word of God and I'm thankful for Him bringing me to a point where I could say again," Your grace is sufficient for me, for your power is made perfect in my weakness". 2 Corinthians 12:9
So I might not be able to answer all the questions I have but through it all I, the Lord taught me how to praise Him again through the valleys and say,"Lord, I don't like this and it hurts but YET I will still praise you!" For whatever reason the Lord spared my life I want to use it to honor Him and do what He still has planned for me. Thank you Lord, for using a broken vessel like mine.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13
"Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. FREE yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughters of Zion. Isaiah 52:2
So what "chains" are you holding onto? What is keeping you from allowing God to set you FREE. He has already done that we just have to humble ourselves and receive it.
10 comments:
wise words sweet Emily, wise words. In Him, susan
Awesome post!!! I come across a lot of the same questions...and never understand why either. But just trust God and try to make the best out of the situation!
That's awesome about Monica...I love her, she is so sweet!!! I didn't know though how much she loved God and that is so neat that you had that sister in Christ to help you through some dark times!!
Continuing to pray for you!!! Love you bunches!
Emily, thank you so much for sharing your heart. You are an inspiration to us all. I thank God for you. I'm so thankful Monica was there for you during that dark time. God loves you so much!
You are in our hearts and in our prayers and we love you... -- Diane Galles
Wow! Thank you for sharing your walk with the Lord. Thank you for challenging me to claim the victory we already have in Him! Love you much!
Emily, thank you for sharing all of this. I have sat and read this weeping at the reminder of how good my God is and how He loves and how AMAZING He is!
You are truly a miracle. As I read Emily's blog updates on you everyday there were some hopeless fears but we just kept praying and pleading for a miracle for your family. Even Harrison would say, "mee-mole-kee, mee-mole-kee!" when we would say our family prayers (for emily mulkey).
When I saw your dad and uncle at the USANA Convention I just wept because I felt so connected to you and loved you so much. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for carrying you through your trials and letting you stay here with us.
You are so loved. Thank you for the example of faith and love and courage that you are and for the inspiration. We love you so much and anxiously await the day where our families will finally meet!
Much love, Sharlie
How convicted your words have made me feel. Thank you so much for sharing your walk with us. Love you girl and am so honored to know you. Praise God you are FREE!!!
The chains are gone I've been set free..my God, my Savior has ransomed me..and like a flood his mercy reigns, unending love, amazing Grace..
Emily - you will never know the impact you have had on my life and I am sure others. Your ability to maintain your faith, your testimony, your stubborn sweet spirit are amazing. I have followed your story online for a long time and your witness to me brings tears to my eyes. I think your struggles help me put things in perspective in my life and help open my eyes to what miracles God is still performing for his people. Thank God that our fellow Christians are still taking their faith with them to work and supporting those that are in need :-) Love you - Stephanie Williams
I just love your blog...you don't know me but my mom knows Pam Ludlow and she sends updates and prayer requests. I have prayed for you often. We seem to have some things in common, I have a Jason and we are from TX, now in AL (he is in the Army) I thought about visiting you while you were here, wish now I would have. I went through a very bad physical illness resutling in 2 brain surgeries. I have blogged and now have written a book...you can e-mail me at jason_lanessa@hotmail.com. I would love to talk to you! In Christ, Lanessa
When I feel down or discouraged I go to your blog and read. You have gone through so much yet continue to be so inspirational and faithful. When I go to your blog my mind says "Read and get inspired, read about God touching lives." My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for sharing.
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