Proverbs 31:30

We are still here! I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I would like to just say we have been too busy for me to write but that's not the whole truth. I've been avoiding my blog and having to talk about my struggle and attitude of recent. Never could have I imagined how God would use this blog to not only keep family and friends connected with us but teach me so much about what it means to walk with him as I expose my weaknesses and a constant need of a Savior. So before I begin to explain my absent I just want to thank all of you who read this and thank you for letting me be real and honest with you.



My body has gone through many changes due to my CF and transplant and although I have excepted many of them I was not ready for what was in store for me this fall. Due to catching the swine flu this summer and the toll it took on my body I began to loose my once long, thick hair. I have always been thankful for my hair. I would always say it was the healthiest thing I had and if you asked any of my friends who cut my hair they would tell you they have NEVER known anyone that had such thick hair. Whatever pounds I was lacking on my body I made up for it with my hair. =) It began falling out in September but the doctors felt like it would stop as I regained my strength. However, so far that has not been the case. I spent most of last week in the hospital due to pneumonia and the continual stress on my body caused my hair to really come out. As I lay in bed during my hospital stay I could tell my hair was thinning a lot and I couldn't bare to look in the mirror, and as I fell into depression the Lord kept whispering Proverbs 31:30. "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I did NOT want to hear that verse and I pushed away what the Lord was trying to say! I was angry, WHY?! After, all that I had gone through why couldn't have the Lord just let me keep one thing I treasured. I got out of the hospital Wednesday afternoon and I was so embarrassed and angry that I chose to not be with my family on Thanksgiving Day. I wanted to sleep and hide away and so Faith went over to my sister in-laws house and spent Thanksgiving with all of our family while my sweet husband stayed home with me.

Not only did I miss being with our family this Thanksgiving and being far from having a thankful heart for what I did have, I didn't want to see what God was so gently trying to help me see. The truth was He did care about every hair that fell from my head because He not only did He give me all that hair, He knows the number of them (Mt 10:30). Although that had been stripped, He thought I was still beautiful because I am still His child and He was using something in my life to help my heart become more like His. Because, like in Proverbs 31:30, He knows things in this life can be fleeting and He is faithful in helping me become the woman He talks about in this verse. I am far from being the Proverbs 31 woman but with tears and a surrendered heart I can honestly say I pray that maybe...... just maybe my willing heart and faithful Lord will help me become such a woman.

I am getting better from my pneumonia and I am in the midst of trying to get over a stomach bug too but with all that said I am doing better. So, what is my plan from here......well, tomorrow I am going with my mom to possibly find a wig. So, the next time you see a picture of me who knows what I'll look like. =) For all of those of you who know me well, you know it was a HUGE deal for me to start getting highlights, you could say I'm not a risk taker when it comes to my hair but NOW the possibilities of style and color are endless. Jason has always had a thing for red heads so maybe that's in the near future for me.....hmmm......who knows? =)

If you could keep us in your prayers this week as I try to get over this sickness and pack up my house because we could possibly be moving into our new house this weekend! Thank you and I hope your Thanksgiving Day was a great one!

Princess Faith

Well Princess Faith finally had her princess party that she has been waiting for. We bought her a Cinderella dress for her birthday and if we let her I think she would wear it everyday. She puts it on and says," Oh wow, I look beautiful!" And for the past few weeks she tells me that she needs to go to the ball, so for her party we rented a big princess castle jumper. She thought that was pretty special.

Princess Faith

Beautiful princesses~ Georgia (Sissy), Marin & Faith OR

should I say Snow White and 2 Cinderellas

She loved her castle cake with all the Disney princesses

It's hard to believe my little one is 3 years old already!!! My how time flies by so fast!

Princess Bike from Emily Mulkey on Vimeo.

Health update~

I'm doing pretty well. My strength is coming back and I've been able to gain some weight back. When I get tired I have to remind myself that I'm still recovering. I've been able to get back into my Teen Moms group, which I have missed. The next month or so should be a little crazy as we finish up the house and then hopefully be moving the beginning of December. We finally picked the color for the house and thank goodness it turned out great! I'll be posting some pictures up soon. Hope all is well with you during this fall season!

We can't always connect the dots.........

But He does and has a purpose for every "dot", every season we go through. There have been many things in my life, like you I'm sure when you just want to ask, "Where are you going with this, Lord? Or why is this happening now?" I wanted to share some things during my stay in the hospital.

Of course, some questions that I wish I had the answers too are~

• Why did I catch the swine flu?


• Why must many of my trails be physical ones?


• Why did I have to go over a month without seeing my little one?


• But, the biggest question that continues to come to mind is, why did you let me live when so many others have passed away from this horrible flu?

To tell you the truth I don't know the answer to all of these questions, however these past few months have been one of the hardest things I've had to endure yet I experienced the Lord in a way I never have before.

My mother in-law (Mitzi) and my sister were taking care of me while Jason went back to TX for just a couple of days to get Faith and bring her to AL. During this time I struggled to keep fighting, I wrote on a paper (I was still on the ventilator and could not talk) to Mitzi to call Jason and tell him I couldn't keep going on. I had nothing left, my cup was empty and I felt like giving in to the enemies lies that I just couldn't make it anymore. I might have been ready to give in but the Lord was not done and He brought me an "angel" to encourage, strengthen and remind me how much hope I had in the midst of such a difficult time. My respiratory therapist, Monica became my "angel" in some of my darkest hours. I remember asking her after she had anointed me with oil and prayed and sang over me,"Monica, are you an angel" she laughed and smiled and just said, "I just share the message of hope and healing to anyone the Lord puts in my path, that is my gift, ministry". Well, Monica you were my angel and I thank you for sharing your faith and love with me.

I paged Monica several times when I just felt I needed a "sister" in Christ to help intercede for me as I struggled with draws from the high pain meds. She was always ready to pray and ask Jesus to bind up Satan's lies and that I would cling to only Him and that I am set FREE.

"By His wounds I am healed" Isaiah 53:5

After Monica left, I came into a time of worship that I had never really experienced before. As tears ran down my face, I sang and spoke aloud the word of God. I spent that time asking for forgiveness, strength, joy, hope and thanking Him for His grace and that even though I was so weak physically and emotionally He was holding me with much love and compassion. From that moment of giving whatever left I had to the Lord and not holding back, a peace fell over me. The enemy was still trying to whisper those lies to me but NOW I was holding onto the word of God and putting on the armor of God. Satan had no power and the Lord brought "light" and victory in that hospital room that day. There is power in SPEAKING ALOUD the word of God and I'm thankful for Him bringing me to a point where I could say again," Your grace is sufficient for me, for your power is made perfect in my weakness". 2 Corinthians 12:9

So I might not be able to answer all the questions I have but through it all I, the Lord taught me how to praise Him again through the valleys and say,"Lord, I don't like this and it hurts but YET I will still praise you!" For whatever reason the Lord spared my life I want to use it to honor Him and do what He still has planned for me. Thank you Lord, for using a broken vessel like mine.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

"Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. FREE yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughters of Zion. Isaiah 52:2

So what "chains" are you holding onto? What is keeping you from allowing God to set you FREE. He has already done that we just have to humble ourselves and receive it.

It's good to be Home....

Just wanted to let everyone know we made it home, tired and in shock at how much we had acquired during our stay in AL. But mostly over whelmed with thankfulness. I'm feeling good just "trying" to take it slow because I'm still weak. My to do list seems endless but then again when is life not like that. I wanted to show a picture of the BIG project we are tackling right now......our new home! Since I was in the hospital for several months we haven't made many decisions and now it's coming down to the wire. I love how the house is looking and I'll be posting more pictures when it gets painted and more progress is done. It looks like we will be moving in around December (Yea, right before the holidays)! If you are interested in looking at the neighborhood we will be moving into this is the website. Vintage Township~ http://vintagetownship.com/home.asp. It's one of a kind and very different for west TX. Yet, we love it and it reminds us of the good old south. (Plus I think we will have the biggest garage in the neighborhood.........Jason is pretty proud of that)!

There's no place like HOME!

Yes, we are officially being released to head back to TX! We went to clinic today and my kidney function was down (which is good) quite a bit from when I was in the hospital and my x-ray looks ten times better! The doctors and nurses are in amazement at how well I have recovered and all I can say is, "Praise the Lord, I am still here because of his grace and the many prayers that have gone up for us"! You would think I'm an emotional mess because tears of joy seem to be never far from my eyes. After 12 weeks in the hospital, it's very hard to put into words the over whelming joy I have not just for me but for my family to be going home together.

I had to share this quick story about Faith that I so wish I could have caught on tape. I was released from the hospital Friday evening and when Jason and I walked into the Town House, Faith ran up to me with the biggest smile and said," Oh mama.... you are done with the hospital"! She continued to hug me and repeat that I WAS done with the hospital and that we can go home and of course see Maggie (our bull dog). As you might imagine it took me a while to dry my eyes and just stand in awe of how amazing and gracious our God is.

Amazing grace has a new meaning for me in this season of my life; I was lost and now I am found, I was blind but now I see...........AMAZING GRACE!

We plan on leaving tomorrow morning. My dad is coming out with his big home RV so we can go home in comfort, another huge blessing!

*You can scroll down to the bottom of the blog and turn off the back ground music to listen to the "Amazing Grace" song.

Freedom!!!

Well, I am being released today (at least to the Town House)! My heart just leaps at the thought of getting out of the hospital after a 10 week stay and near death experience. We have to go to Clinic on Wednesday and if everything stays well then we can make our journey back HOME! It's hard to describe my joy because it is just too every whelming! The Lord brought me back from death and though I still have a ways to go with my rehab and building my strength, I feel I have a new hope. My mother in-law mentioned to me that I forgot to post about them taking my trach out a couple of days ago. So I am trach, IV, and the many lines free! I have much to talk about what happened the past few days but I will write soon, just wanted everyone to know we are headed out and THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all your prayers and support. It's hard for me to hold back my tears from the long journey the Lord graciously brought me. Praise His name!

Update

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. My hands are very shaky and so it's hard to type. The past few days have been very difficult for me as I battle withdraws from the pain meds and feeling stir crazy. My whole body shakes and I have a lot of anxiety (due to the very high pain meds they were giving me). I have never experienced such a horrible feeling as this. However, I told the doctor that I think if I could just get out of the hospital and to the Town House (where Jason and Faith are staying) I would do better. So I think they will let me go to the Town House tomorrow. This gives me some new hope as this road has been the most difficult thing I have gone through. I appreciate your support and prayers and I just ask that you would continue to pray for me as I recover (emotionally and physically). I'm slowly getting stronger but it's hard work since I have lost a lot of weight and muscle. I did walk by myself today (praise)!

I'll try to write again, sorry I don't have the strength right now to type very much. Some verses I have been saying aloud are~

• Deuteronomy 31:8~The Lord goes before me; He will march with me; He will not fail me or let me go or forsake me; I will fear not, neither become broken (in spirit-depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm)

A good kick in the pants

I've been very anxious and irritable today. I didn't get my line taken out today because they already had a full schedule, so I might be getting it done tomorrow. So that was a little disappointing and the 9 weeks in the hospital is getting to me. Looking at the same walls, doing the same thing every day and ready for some fresh air. Anyway, I was letting everything get to me and then..............God gave me a good kick in pants. I met one of the other patients on the floor. He has heart problems (not sure all that is going on with him) and he has been in the hospital since February! He was so cheerful and even though I'm sure he is more then ready to go home, he never lend on that he was discontent with his situation. Also one of the patients up here pasted away this morning, young man leaving behind a wife 4 children.
Needless to say my issues seem very small and I needed to be reminded that even though it's been a long journey, I'm doing well. I'm not the only one fighting for life. I told Ryan (heart patient) what an encouragement he is to me.


On a lighter note; the other night was a little eventful. Jason woke up around 6 a.m to use the restroom and as he was walking in the dark to the bathroom he stepped into something wet. After flipping the light on, he quickly realized he had stepped in pee! My night nurse forgot to cap my catheter after she emptied it out and so there was pee ALL over the floor. The nurses were nice to give him some fresh socks. By the amount of pee on the floor, you can definitely say my kidneys are working well, praise God. :)

Good Progress

Just wanted to report the good news. They caped my trach and I am just using the nose cannula for oxygen and tomorrow they will be taking the whole trach out! I also got some other lines taken out (my feeding tube & my catheter). It's so nice to be free of those things.

The difficult thing today is when they tried to take out my central line in my neck (the one they were using for dialysis). I was very nervous about it coming out and asked for some medicine to help relax me but they kept reassuring it was no big deal coming out. Well, after tugging, crying, and pulling they decided my skin has healed over it and so it was more wedged in there then they thought. (I really wanted to say "See I told you!) My patience was running thin with the lady as she tried to make light of the situation and said,"well we can tie it to the door and that should pull it out". Anyway, they will take me to radiology to give me some sedation and pull it but right now I'm left feeling very sore. I ask for your prayers for that tomorrow.

It looks like I might be going home next week! There are just a few things left (getting my strength back is going to take some time). It's hard to believe I've been in the hospital 9 weeks, but though it's been difficult I'm thankful the Lord carried me through, even the days I wanted to throw in the towel. And again thanks to all of you for your prayers, it continues to lift us up.

I love you

It's real easy to take for granted the simple things that we do every day without thinking about it like~talking, eating, walking or needing help to use the restroom. All of these daily things seem simple but I'm having to work hard to become independent again. I tend to not write (type) much because my hands are very shaky however the Lord gave me a gift today and that is talking and eating again. I'll try to explain the processes I'm going through.

First this morning the doctor replaced my trach with a smaller one. Which makes me have to breath more on my own. Also I have been off the vent all weekend and have gone to a trach collar which gives oxygen to my trach.

Jason, my mom and Faith got in early Friday morning. Faith was happy to see me but kinda confused that I wasn't talking back to her so today when they put the speaking valve on and I said, "Hi Faith, I love you" she got a big smile and said,"Mama talking to me"! I couldn't help but tear up when I heard my voice and was able to say I love you to my baby girl. It's been 2 months since I've heard my voice or eaten anything so the next joy was passing my swallowing test and I had some wonderful soup (I think anything would have tasted good to me) for lunch.

My strength is coming back and I'm slowly walking around the nurses station. It's hard work because I lost so much muscle. My legs are very sore but it's good to get out of the bed.

Thank you for your continual prayers, I ask that you would pray for Faith as she has done well through all of this but it's also taking it's toll on her. She asks to go home and see Maggie (our bulldog) every day. Thank You!

When I call on God in the day of trouble, He will deliver me, and I will honor and glorify him. Psalm 50:15